Personal: Why Do I Make Games?

Hey everyone. If you do not care about listening to anything emotional or personal then I'm sorry to bother you with this post, otherwise please read on.



Recently I have been under heavy emotional distress stemming from being unable to find a paying job, to conflict between becoming a better game developer, to pressures from my mother and her husband. It has been absolutely brutal on my psyche, and tonight I couldn't help but completely break down.

By sheer chance I was reminded of the song "Somewhere over the Rainbow" and I couldn't help but listen to the song on YouTube, and I found this version of the song.





 Listening to that song, I couldn't help but notice how nice and caring this man's voice was. I looked more into Israel Kamakawiwoʻole's life and I was reminded of why I wanted to make games.

My original purpose and inspiration to get into making games was (and still is) to make people happy. I wanted to remind  people that when life gets tough and feels unbearable, things will get better. I cannot believe I had forgotten about something so important to me, bur luckily the song above reminded me, and it brought me to tears.

When I was around 11 years old or so, I suffered through a very traumatic event in my life that has left a  mental scar that affects me still to this very day. It is something I will never forget. In the wake of that moment though, I was playing through a game and coincidentally I was playing through this very scene.




Watching it know makes my chest feel tight, but this very scene saved my mind and my life. I remember now that I vowed to make games to make people happy to save them the anguish that I went through. It is not fair to suffer the way I did without having any control over what happens.

It isn't fair to suffer because of something that isn't your fault. I spent years blaming myself over what happened, and within that time, I had forgotten about my vow.

Today I finally remember why I originally wanted to make games: to make people happy and save them from suffering like I did. To help them within those troubled times.

That traumatic experience is something I want to leverage when I make games now. It is another source of strength and inspiration to push me farther than passion to make experiences can push me alone. My purpose is something that I want to use to propel myself farther than most other game developers, as bold as that goal may be, as long as I have the skills to back it up at least.

Anyway, sorry for this rambling post. I hope it doesn't hinder my chances in getting a job if any of you employers are looking at this. I just wanted to put myself out here and remind myself in the future why I so strongly feel the need to make games. If you did read up to here though, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I seriously mean it, and it means the world to me. Thank you so much!